Lesbians or other women in same-sex relationships tend to have the “urge to merge.” In this process the women equate sameness with being in love. After a period of time this can create resentment, and even anger. Often it leads to the dreaded “Lesbian Bed Death.”
A successful relationship is composed of two individuals – each with a clearly defined sense of her own identity. Without our own understanding of self, of who we are and what makes us unique, it is difficult to engage in the process of an ongoing relationship in a way that functions smoothly and enhances each of the partners. We need a sense of self in order to clearly communicate our needs and desires to our partner. When we have a strong conception of our own identity, we can appreciate and love those qualities in our partner that make him or her a unique person. When two people come together, each with a clear definition of her own individuality, the potential for intimacy and commitment can be astounding. The similarities between two people may bring them together, but their differences contribute to the growth, excitement and mystery of their relationship.