From AfterEllen.com
Caroline Madden is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who has worked with many lesbian couples, as well as adults who were adopted as children, a demographic who often share similar concerns to children conceived via sperm donation. Her strong recommendation to perspective lesbian parents was to use a willing-to-be-known donor from a sperm bank, versus known donor, or an entirely anonymous donor. (Her exception to this, interestingly, was in cases when the known donor is the brother of the non-carrying mother, but we’ll come back to that later.)
“The thought that goes on with some of the most functional couples who come through my office is this ideal image of the father being part of the family,” Caroline said. “Like, ‘He might not see them much, he might not even live in town, but he’ll call the child on her birthday, or she’ll make him a little Father’s Day present.’ The image is ideal, except how is the non-biological mother affected? When it’s time for the child to do my family tree, instead of drawing the biological mom and her wife, the child may draw the biological mom, and biological father. The non-biological mom is a third. It’s almost like she’s a step-parent. It’s like mom and dad got divorced, but they’re friendly.”
Still, Dr. Madden does emphasize that there is a primal human drive to know our own biology and that the quest to discover one’s roots is something that children conceived via sperm donation (just like children who are adopted) should have the option to embark on once they turn 18. The donor profile handed to the child may paint a detailed picture of their biological father, but it can never be the same as meeting, or even just speaking to the person himself. Having this kind of open access to your biological roots is, in fact, considered a fundamental human right in many parts of the world, so in places like Canada, the UK, Scandinavia, and Australia, entirely anonymous sperm donation has been banned.
See complete article here